06
June
2012
|
11:46 AM
America/Los_Angeles

Encouraged By Facebook IPO Ponzify Issues S-1

John Flowers, writing in the literary magazine McSweeney's can't resist pillorying $FB's disastrous IPO. This is how the world now sees Silicon Valley IPOs, at least until the next good one.

Here are extracts from the S-1 for Ponzify:

McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Prospectus for Silicon Valley's Next Hot Tech IPO, Where Nothing Could Possibly Go Wrong.

Ponzify isn't like other tech companies. We don't promise results. We show them to you, on a piece of paper, that has your name and a monetary figure that increases every month.

...

Users love our product because it's something free. Venture Capitalists love it because they can imagine themselves talking about it at T.E.D. or on Charlie Rose.

...

A significant portion of our income is derived from advertisers who still buy this whole "clicks" and "page count" business. Thus, we plan a vigorous defense of our current metrics while making up new ones with impressive-sounding names.

...

This prospectus contains forward-looking statements. For instance, "Our company is built upon a viable revenue model" is a forward-looking statement. All statements other than statements of historical fact, particularly those made by our founders to the press, shareholders or women in bars, will be considered forward-looking statements.

...

The way it works is, we give away the product for free, then lure advertisers with the promise of connecting them to millions of people who hate to pay for things. Amazingly, it works.

...

Our primary measurement of revenue is a non-GAAP accounting principle known as Adjusted Consolidated Assumed Income (ACAI).

Here's the whole piece:

McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Prospectus for Silicon Valley's Next Hot Tech IPO, Where Nothing Could Possibly Go Wrong.